ARCHAEOLOGY IS A BEAUTIFUL MISTRESS, BUT SHE BRINGS A POOR DOWRY
STUDY ARCHAEOLOGY AND YOUR CAREER WILL START AND END IN RUINS
ARCHAEOLOGISTS DO IT SYSTEMATICALLY ALL OVER THE LANDSCAPE
So, what is ARCHAEOLOGY ?
Well... a pretty weird subject which involves ferreting around in the
discards of other people. Archaeologists, or arkies for short, are
pseudo scientific voyeurs who justify their existence by pretending
that they are well informed seekers of THE TRUTH .
Like the junk the arkies spend their time (and other people's money)
on, this is absolute rubbish. The fact is, that since past people
didn't leave explanations, let alone LABEL the objects which
make up the archaeological record, even a stupid archaeologist (of
which there are many) can pass themselves off as an expert through the
use of long words and meaningless jargon. Archaeologists can easily
impress non-arkies with their knowledge of the past essentially because
most people's eyes will go out of focus and glaze over the minute words
like "hypothesis" or "parameters" enter the conversation. Besides,
since NOTHING is known about the distant past it is also extremely easy to pretend to be well informed, rather than a complete charlatan.
It takes particular qualities to engage in the practice of archaeology... these include:
* being able to tell convincing fibs;
* being a nosy parker, and (most essential)
* having an addiction to alcohol.
* lack of dress sense and wearing large boots also helps, especially if they are steel capped.
The widespread idea of arkies as whip wielding, untidy, filthy, scruffbags is ABSOLUTELY CORRECT .
Everyone needs to be aware that when an archaeologist raves about their
passion for the past and for knowledge, and for understanding of
humanity and human development, they are undoubtedly
Field Archaelogists are known in the trade as DIRTY ARKIES.
This label refers accurately to their personal hygiene, appearance, and minds. These are the arkies who go out and survey to find things, although if asked directly they will deny any thought of treasure hunting and state some total twaddle such as "Oh, I go outdoors to find OUT things, not just to find things". These are also the arkies who have taken a vow of poverty prior to ever seriously embarking on a career.
Armchair Archaeologists are known in the trade as CLEAN ARKIES.
These are a bunch of total losers who are utterly incompetent and don't like to get dirty. They justify their existence by commenting on other people's work, and in particular by criticising their methods and their findings. They deflect attention from their own inadequacies by pretending that Management Principles, Policy and Theory actually MEAN something. They all actually wanted to be ECONOMISTS but didn't get the marks necessary to enter the correct university course. Instead they got stuck in the Arts Faculty. They still resent it.